Parents sometimes think they’re giving their kids words of wisdom, but in reality, the kids don’t understand what mom or dad actually means. Psychologist Wendy Mogel says the most effective way to speak to a kid is to use simple words “that allow you to accept their feelings but follow through on your rules.” She also cautions against saying things like “okay?” at the end of your request, which gives kids a chance to say no and can make it seem like you’re not fully committed to what you’re saying.
With those basics in mind, these are some positive parenting phrases that are clear and can help us raise happy, independent kids:
- “I need to think about that” - When you feel the need to respond instantly, this phrase buys you time. Plus, it may help your kid get comfy with taking their time when making decisions.
- “How does that make you feel?” - Lots of parents are guilty of giving their kiddos too much praise, so asking this instead encourages the child to think about what they find satisfying. It can also work in less-than-feel-good situations, like when your kid forgets their backpack at school two days in a row.
- “Wow” - Use it when your kid comes to you with a problem or if they do something they know will get them in trouble. “Wow” acknowledges what just happened, like spilling the milk after you warned them to move it from the table’s edge, and it gives you a sec to put it in perspective and decide how to handle it.
- “Let’s see if we can find something good in this” - It’s easy to rush in and try to rescue your kid from being upset after they drop their Lego masterpiece or a playdate cancels. But this phrase helps work on their coping skills and learn to adapt and see the positive.
- “Take a breath” - We all need to slow down, even kids. Saying this helps them - and you - remember to do that.
- “Would you like a do-over?” - This one is great because it lets your kid know their behavior isn’t acceptable without embarrassing or criticizing them.
- “That’s a great idea” - Being a cheerleader for your kid’s ideas helps them realize they can solve their own problems.
Source: Parents
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