Are you invited to a wedding this summer? You probably are, which is why you'd best pay attention to Very Smart Brothas' seven tips for surviving (or bailing on) summer weddings:
- If you can’t decide what to give them, give them the best gift of all: money. In fact, even if you do have a perfect gift in mind, you’re wrong. You do not have the perfect gift. Money is the only perfect gift.
- It's okay if you can't make it. They know people have lives outside of their lives, and if you can’t go cross-country just to watch a bunch of your boy’s Facebook friends eat dry steak and moist cake for four hours, they understand.
- Actually, the couple-to-be is hoping and praying that, like, 10 to 15 percent of the invitees stay home. Every extra RSVP is extra money they have to spend. So while they’d love for you to be there, they’ll also appreciate your non-presence.
- If you pull a no-show after RSVPing, you're going to have to fight the bride. and by "fight," I mean "get stabbed by."
- If you have to travel a decent distance, you have more leeway with plus-one. You might be able to finesse anyone from a friend with benefits to the actual driver of the Megabus you rode to get there.
- Pace yourself. If you’re at a wedding, you’re officially too old not to know how much to drink. If you pass out on the dance floor or in some hilariously random place like behind a vintage pinball machine, do not be surprised if you’re left there until the next morning.
- Have fun. That’s really the only reason they invited you. They want all their closest friends and family to share in the love and have as much fun as they’re having. But still, do show them the money.